Writing saved my life. After my I lost my dad, I didn’t know how to have a conversation about anything else other than cancer, chemotherapy, hospice, and death. People constantly kept asking me questions about those and only those topics. No one in my family and close circle of friends were asking me about graduating from high school, or even starting the next major chapter of my life — college. And, so I kept answering those cancer-related questions time after time, and slowly my answers started sounding like they were coming from a monotonous, lifeless robot. Constantly hearing and answering heartbreaking questions at 18 years old made me think that this whole cancer thing was a societal norm. It’s only years later that I’m now starting to realize, that all of those questions and answers (which is just a small aspect of an ugly cancer death) is not normal for an 18 year old.
I felt like I couldn’t vent to anyone about my negative feelings and thoughts; but I never wanted to forget my goal, which was and still is, to always cope in the most healthy way possible.
I’ve always had an interest in blogs, especially blogs geared towards fashion and chic lifestyle enthusiasts, but I never thought about starting one myself. I actually tried to stay away from reading and writing about cancer at first, because everything I found to read about cancer was about the technical and scientific terms that I honestly didn’t care about at the moment. I was so tired of reading about the science of cancer. But cancer isn’t just about science and medicine because cancer doesn’t just cause bad cells. It causes emotions and heartbreak, strength and perseverance, hope and faith. Doctors, researchers, and scientists are always so proud for publishing cancer research in publications, which is groundbreakingly awesome because these findings provide a foundation for the advanced medicine and technology used on patients. But, what about the other half of the cancer story? The struggles, the tears, the fear, the depression, and so much more. I wanted to be the writer to the other half of the cancer story — the half that isn’t written about much.
So, I started writing because I felt like no one understood my pain, but more importantly, I didn’t want anyone else to feel as alone as I did. I started blogging just three months after my dad lost his battle…and then, my writing story goes on from there.
Writing saved my life. My blog was my best friend during my worst times. I could always count on my Macbook or my journal and fancy, ballpoint pen. Writing saved my life when no one else could — and I am forever grateful I found my favorite coping mechanism.
And for those struggling with finding their favorite coping mechanism:
I highly suggest trying to let your emotions out in a creative way — writing, painting, dancing, and the list goes on. You will then start to see the light during these dark times.