Towards the end of the summer, while I was mentally preparing for my final year of college, I lost two grandparents within 8 days — my dad’s dad and my mom’s mom.

When I first found out my grandpa passed away, my immediate thought was that my dad has somebody there with him now. I told some family members and close friends about my immediate thought and all of them said something along the lines of, “Wow, that’s such a great way of looking at this.” I was able to digest both of my grandparent’s deaths much easier compared to my father’s death. Realistically, I will never be able to fully digest and grasp my father’s death because in my eyes it was an unfair, painful, and tragic death that he, nor my family, did not deserve. Of course losing anyone in your life is a tough battle that no one deserves. I was able to accept the fact that my grandparents lived a full, happy, and healthy life. Neither of their deaths happened to be too painful and I am so very thankful for that. Knowing my dad suffered and knowing he was in so much pain during the final months of his life will always kill me inside. Every single time I think about the pain he was in, I feel sick to my stomach and somehow blame myself.

Losing my father before two of my grandparents taught me even more about life. It taught me that everyone has their time to ‘go’; everyone has an expiration date in this life we live. I will always question sickness and death, but my life experiences have taught me how to deal with it. After I saw my mom lose my dad three years ago, and then lose her mom this last summer, I knew how to comfort her. I knew what she needed and I knew I had to support her and other members in our family, just like how all of my family members supported me (and still support me) through my dad’s death. I will always miss my grandparents but I know they are resting easy, and I feel so much comfort knowing my dad has some company now, too.